I've had it with Western women!
I'm moving to Pakistan.
I've always been a lite kind of guy – lite beer, lightly-breaded chicken wings, Lite-Brite was my favourite childhood toy.
Now, finally, the leader of a Pakistani Islamic Council has proposed a bill allowing men to "lightly beat" their wives.
This link gives the details, plus tips on the difference between "light" and "heavy" beatings (do you mix those up too?).
http://www.cnn.com/2016/05/28/asia/pakistan-women-light-beating/index.html
It's all in a 75-page proposal which, after a few light beatings, my wife finally read to me. Then I realized my wife isn't allowed to read, so I had to beat her some more.
She began to look like De Niro in Raging Bull so I stopped. Had the voice down pretty good too. Overall, a spot-on imitation. I was kinda proud of her for a moment there.
What's the math on wife beatings? I know 2 + 2 = 4, even in Pakistan.
Does "light beating" + "light beating" = heavy beating? Are beatings additive?
Is there a socially acceptable waiting period between light beatings? I don't want to embarrass myself at parties with people thinking I "enjoyed" the beatings.
You'd think all these questions could be answered in 75 pages, but no. It's mostly "beating" diagrams. Proper hitting angles, tender spots, tools, recipe ideas for those awkward "in-between beating times".
My wife is packing the bags as I write, and her sores are healing quite nicely, thank you.
I'm sitting beside Johnny Depp in first class. Can't wait to share stories.
