I went to my family doctor last week for a complete physical and passed with flying colours.
My doctor (female) was quite impressed with my physique and strong vitals. Hey, most women are.
She expressed shock, temporarily, when my blood pressure read 0 over -100. That was only because all the blood in my body had rushed to my penis. This is entirely normal for me when a woman presses my groin, looking for nefarious bumps. I get an erection. Well, other times too. Most of the time, I guess.
While I was quite healthy physically, the doctor was far more concerned about the intellectual side of me.
I appreciated her subtlety when she said, "You're an idiot, Paul." Please, doctor, I want you to be entirely open with me.
She suggested I go for a complete "intellectual".
What a marvy idea, I thought. Everyone goes for physicals, but no one ever gets a complete intellectual.
Let's face it – we all have three important sides to us. The physical, the intellectual, and the emotional. Time to see if my I.Q. needs an I.V.
Who I should see for my complete "Intellectual"?
My absolute first choice is Amber Heard, but she doesn't qualify in the right way. She does, however, make my blood pressure drop to 0 over -100 (see above).
I guess the smartest choice is someone like Stephen Hawking. I called him and he is game.
He offered some quick pointers to improve my intellectual health. "Eat more vegetables" was top of the list. He suggested alphabet soup, because I get my vitamins, plus I can try and find the value of all the "x's" in the soup, for a good brain workout.
To check for intellectual health, I think everyone should have their own personal physicist. Or physicistian, in this case.
Next month I'm getting a complete "emotional" from Celine Dion.
