My wife is leaving me.
While I keep the home fires burning and the beer fridge cold, she is off to Germany, her place of birth.
Two weeks of just my daughter and myself (Newman too). That means two weeks of zero vitamins and minerals in my body, and in my daughter's as well.
A trip for my wife means, necessarily, that everything associated with that trip must be new.
A new suitcase. Size-wise, a 747 missing the wings.
We already have 12 jumbo suitcases sitting quietly in the basement like the behemoth rocks of Easter Island. Never to be used again. A complete mystery as to how they got there.
New purses, each one bigger, deeper and more leathery than the one before. I believe the first black hole was discovered in a woman's purse.
New shoes that make the Bata Shoe museum look empty. Shoes for walking, standing, sitting, eating, eating breakfast, eating lunch, eating dinner, eating bratwurst, to hang out in, to think in, to drink in, to…
New clothes. The "2016 German Trip Collection". Outfits must match every pair of shoes.
My wife was very upset when I broke the news to her.
"No honey, Lufthansa will not purchase a brand new airplane for your trip."
