Dear Game of Thrones (GOT),
I've GOT to confess to a bit of frustration with your show.
Are you familiar with the line, "Winter is coming."? Of course you are. It's spoken almost as often as, "Hey, cool sword. Is that Valyrian steel?"
BTW, do you have a shopping channel? Can I get some Valyrian steak knives?
Winter has been coming since Season One. I sure as hell wouldn't want to own a ski resort in Braavos with a winter that languidly chugs along at the speed of a dead horse.
Who does your forecasts, three knights in a brothel throwing darts at a weather map drawn on a naked woman's body?
Hmmm, that does sound rather fun, if inaccurate, weather-wise.
Off with their heads. How can Stannis Baratheon ever know if he needs snow tires on his carriage when he invades Winterfell?
Why call it Winterfell when I've watched 5 seasons and still no snow? How about Fallfell?
You also keep threatening me with the Army of the Dead. Groooooaaaan.
What's taking them so long? Did they institute a draft and large numbers of corpses ran to Canada to avoid it?
Are they resting and gathering provisions for the long fight? They're dead! They don't eat, piss or sleep with their siblings. Pretty much all their enjoyment is in fighting.
And the White Walkers? What the hell? Why are they walking? It takes too long. Have they not been to horse-riding camp yet? I'm sure with a little training they'll get the hang of it. They look like an intelligent enough bunch.
Dear GOT guys – you've GOT to speed things up for me.
