If you are a regular reader here, you know two things.
One, the old adage, "You can't fool all the people all the time", is bullshit. I do it every time I entice you to read this blog.
Two, all my heroes are the great scientists, artists and philosophers of our world.
Here are my favourites:
Leonardo DiCaprio: I don't have to tell you how wonderful the Mona Lisa is. You've seen it in its little plastic carrying case at the Loo in Paris. And to win an Academy Award for Best Painting? Bonus, man. It's not even a movie.
René Angélil: I'm not sure why he married Celine Dion, but it allowed him to invent the dictum, "I sing, pound my chest and cry at every stupid little thing, therefore I am."
It changed how man thinks of himself, and allowed us to cry over vinegar-soaked french fries.
Weird Albert Yankovic: What a down-to-earth dude, being so smart and letting everyone call him Weird Al. His famous equation, E = MC2, tells us that a Krispy Kreme donut holds enough energy to build a condo in Florida, live an obese life and conceal a gun in your belly.
Perhaps his best discovery is that our universe is actually a parody of an older, much more serious universe. There is no movie called Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo in that universe.
Wayne Newton: Newton discovered gravity when he realized his cheeks were sagging from age.
Then he discovered the Laws of Motion, the most important one being the "Conservation of your Face" with plastic.
Charles In Charge: It's still controversial, but Charles discovered that man evolved from an amoeba, and is quickly turning back into one. Life is driven by survival of the fittest sitcom.
I honour them all.
