Helloooo Newman: Living with T-Rex

Helloooo Newman: Living with T-Rex: You have to give Americans credit. Forty three precent used to think that humans lived along side dinosaurs. Now they believe, as scientists...

Living with T-Rex

You have to give Americans credit. Forty three precent used to think that humans lived along side dinosaurs.

Now they believe, as scientists have proved, that this is only true of Mitch McConnell.

Helloooo Newman: Intellectual-lite

Helloooo Newman: Intellectual-lite: In a speech last week in New York, Justin Trudeau said that he doesn't think Donald Trump is working on behalf of the American people an...

Intellectual-lite

In a speech last week in New York, Justin Trudeau said that he doesn't think Donald Trump is working on behalf of the American people anymore.

Further observations included that Hitler didn't like Jews and white chocolate isn't even chocolate.

Helloooo Newman: New hire

Helloooo Newman: New hire:   Introducing…Lainey. The newest member of the Helloooo Newman writing crew. She was hired June 15 and she has 3 months of experience writin...

New hire

 

Introducing…Lainey.

The newest member of the Helloooo Newman writing crew.

She was hired June 15 and she has 3 months of experience writing humour.

She's a gift from Heaven. Okay, not really. She's the product of millions of years of evolution from the wolf to the modern dog. Actually, the first living cells are called prokaryotes. I would include a picture of one but they're not nearly as cute as Lainey. From one primitive cell to Lainey is astounding…and no god involved. I know this because any god that gave us this fucked up world would be unable to create something to perfectly cute. I mean, if I were God, and I rarely think I am, why wouldn't I just create an entire universe of puppies? Well, religion?

I thought so.

Here I go writing on and on. Hopefully Lainey is a good editor.

Watch for her writings on a new blog: It's a Lainey Day

Helloooo Newman: Galaxy quest

Helloooo Newman: Galaxy quest: Pierre Poilievre, after reaffirming that Canada will never be the 51st state, went on to reassure us that the Milky Way will never join the ...

Galaxy quest

Pierre Poilievre, after reaffirming that Canada will never be the 51st state, went on to reassure us that the Milky Way will never join the Andromeda Galaxy.

Quoting Mr. Poilievre: Scientists say the two galaxies will collide but I assure you Canada will remain part of the Milky Way."

Helloooo Newman: Drink up

Helloooo Newman: Drink up: Asked why he's drinking formaldehyde in Congress, Mitch McConnell explained, "the undertaker instructed me to."

Drink up

Asked why he's drinking formaldehyde in Congress, Mitch McConnell explained, "the undertaker instructed me to."

Helloooo Newman: AI AI OH

Helloooo Newman: AI AI OH: Wiping out humanity isn't the worst idea AI can come up with.* * This was written with AI

AI AI OH

Wiping out humanity isn't the worst idea AI can come up with.*

* This was written with AI

Helloooo Newman: Let's Make a Deal

Helloooo Newman: Let's Make a Deal: Donald Trump has revealed that Iran, Canada and Monty Hall all want to make a deal.

Let's Make a Deal

Donald Trump has revealed that Iran, Canada and Monty Hall all want to make a deal.

Helloooo Newman: Five grand ol' time

Helloooo Newman: Five grand ol' time: Elon Musk issued a statement saying he's really pumped about receiving Donald Trump's $5000 gift. "This really tops up my incom...

Five grand ol' time

Elon Musk issued a statement saying he's really pumped about receiving Donald Trump's $5000 gift.

"This really tops up my income and I have big plans for the cash."

"It's the little things I'm looking forward to buying. Like those ziplock bags with the extra grooves so you don't spend an hour trying to match them up while my leftover hot dogs go stale."

He also hopes to hire an advisor to come up with even stranger names for his children. He's running out of ideas after coming up with Seldon Lycurgus. Ideally, he wants as many children as there are Tesla's on the road - 7.2 million.

Helloooo Newman: Tranquil times

Helloooo Newman: Tranquil times: Donald Trump changed the name Sea of Tranquility to the Sea of America. Asked where it's located, he replied "on one of my golf cou...

Tranquil times

Donald Trump changed the name Sea of Tranquility to the Sea of America.

Asked where it's located, he replied "on one of my golf courses, I think."

Helloooo Newman: Let's CHAT

Helloooo Newman: Let's CHAT: ChatGPT is coming out with… ChatGOP…how do I fix the election? ChatGPS…where can I find a sane place to live? ChatGPA…how can I get an A+? C...

Let'sCHAT

ChatGPT is coming out with…

ChatGOP…how do I fix the election?

ChatGPS…where can I find a sane place to live?

ChatGPA…how can I get an A+?

ChatGTA…how can I find a city without hordes of traffic and no bike lanes?

ChatGUN…how do I kill someone with a gun?

ChatCATHY…you talk too much