Helloooo Newman: Chuckmersible

Helloooo Newman: Chuckmersible: I went to look at the Titanic riding inside Chuck Norris and everything was fine. The Rubik's Cube was even solved for me.

Chuckmersible

I went to look at the Titanic riding inside Chuck Norris and everything was fine. The Rubik's Cube was even solved for me.

Helloooo Newman: Vote Splitting

Helloooo Newman: Vote Splitting: I can't decide who to vote for as mayor. The only sensible solution is to split my vote amongst all of them. Each candidate gets a tiny ...

Vote Splitting

I can't decide who to vote for as mayor.

The only sensible solution is to split my vote amongst all of them. Each candidate gets a tiny bit of my vote. A tiny mandate to do something tiny for Toronto.

Hopefully, when this is all assembled together, great things will happen.

Vote for tiny TO.

Helloooo Newman: Rich people parenting

Helloooo Newman: Rich people parenting: Rich dad: Hey son, I've got tons of money and now I'm bored. Do you want to come with me in a pop can and dive to a crushing 13,000...

Rich people parenting

Rich dad: Hey son, I've got tons of money and now I'm bored. Do you want to come with me in a pop can and dive to a crushing 13,000 feet to look at foolish people who drowned in a boat?

Rich son: Um, I was thinking maybe something on land. Take in a baseball game. Hot dog. Beer.

Rich Dad: Get in, son.

Helloooo Newman: Heated debate

Helloooo Newman: Heated debate: Scientists have discovered that the oceans are warming up faster than climate models say they should be. But why? That's where things ge...

Heated debate

Scientists have discovered that the oceans are warming up faster than climate models say they should be.

But why?

That's where things get interesting.

As the debate over the cause heats up, scientists can't decide if it's actually a heated debate over global warming, a warming debate over global heating, or just a cry for attention and funding.

Scientist Ice-B (B for Berg, not related to Ice-T, but is a part-time rapper) thinks people should just cool it on the speculation. Sipping Grey Goose over B-shaped ice cubes, Ice said that, although scientists passionately disagree, cooler heads will prevail. "We shouldn't freeze anyone out who has a different opinion."

Climatologist Luke Warm loves to argue the issue, but then lets off steam acting out practical jokes at the UN Climate Conference in Dubai. His latest plan is secretly turning on everyone's heated car seats so they think this global warming thing is really getting out of hand. This bizarre behaviour is probably caused by the fact that he never knew his real father.

Will the debate boil over over the boiling oceans? 

Helloooo Newman: Five years younger

Helloooo Newman: Five years younger: Most people who guess my age peg me at 5 years younger than I am. That's great. When I'm dead, it'll take them five years to fig...

Five years younger

Most people who guess my age peg me at 5 years younger than I am. That's great. When I'm dead, it'll take them five years to figure it out.