Helloooo Newman: Maybe even the margarine

Helloooo Newman: Maybe even the margarine: I hate to bore you with the same old politician story. But, here we go… Did you hear that Mark Carney spent $200,000 on in-flight meals for ...

Maybe even the margarine

I hate to bore you with the same old politician story.

But, here we go…

Did you hear that Mark Carney spent $200,000 on in-flight meals for 3 trips. Which means you and I spent $200,000 for no trips. Did you notice your wallet a bit lighter today?

I'm guessing Tim Hortons wasn't the caterer. They can feed a thousand plane loads of people for $9.99, as long as no one is diabetic. For faster service, use the fly-thru.

I get it. He works hard and it's a big job and I'm not one of those who expects politicians to suck it up and live like a street person because it's only fair. He's negotiating billion dollar deals. He doesn't have to be a "man of the people" all the time. He deserves some accoutrements, even though his French is lousy.

What struck me was the butter. Butter! Not just butter. It's called "luxury" butter. Super expensive butter cups from Normandy, France.

First off, how come we're smothered by the strict Canadian dairy rules that only allow us Canadian butter at $10 an lb while he gets French butter churned by 2 French lasses in lingerie at a $1000 a dollop? What happened to buy Canadian and we're strong?

But even that's not the point. I guess I imagine myself in that position and I would say, "who the fuck ordered the $1000 butter? We're surrounded by food only Kings can dream of and you guessed we need $1000 butter for our potatoes? Toast with Canadian butter on it? Who could survive that?"

"You're fucking fired."

Where's the drinking water from? Probably a passing frozen comet was retrieved by NASA, melted and the 2 billion-year-old luxury water was siphoned to gold chalices.

It's such a small thing. Butter. Who cares? Shut up, Newman. Get your free dental care and go back to sleep.

I think if I were a multi-bulti millionaire who took a temp job to help a country, it would be cool to resist some of those small cravings I have, like $1000 butter cups, and I could always continue with that when I return to my multi-bulti millionaire life.

I guess I want a PM who can put off his craving for $1000 butter, even though I fully understand the need. Just while he's PM. God knows I'd love $1000 butter on my popcorn. But maybe set a tiny example. He has a whole rich life ahead of him after. Canada just slipped into recession. Choose the regular butter.

Maybe even the margarine.

PS: Don't mention the luxury butter to Doug the Slug

Helloooo Newman: Canadian Workfarce

Helloooo Newman: Canadian Workfarce: Tim Hortons, a Canadian success story, has decided it makes sense after all to hire people from the country they live in. Unfortunately, the...

Canadian Workfarce

Tim Hortons, a Canadian success story, has decided it makes sense after all to hire people from the country they live in.

Unfortunately, they will still mine timbits using slave labour from a timbit mine located in the deep forests of Seborga.

Helloooo Newman: Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?

Helloooo Newman: Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?: David Eby, BC Premier and saviour of Canada, has complained that Carney is spending too much time and energy catering to a province that wan...

Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?

David Eby, BC Premier and saviour of Canada, has complained that Carney is spending too much time and energy catering to a province that wants to separate.

That province is Alberta.

Tomorrow, Mr. Eby will have his very own private geography lesson.

Easy-to-understand illustrations and simple words will be used to teach (or perhaps remind) him that Canada has 10 provinces and one of those provinces is called Quebec.

Quebec has wanted to separate since Canadian bacon became a thing. Long before Timbits were the chosen cuisine of any Canadian with a mouth.

Many Prime Ministers have broken bones and torn ligaments genuinely genuflecting and contorting to try and satisfy Quebec's insatiable thirst for their own nation.

They whine more than a Rogers Stadium full of unfed babies and Canada is always there to change their diaper and spoon them poutine.

They've used the notwithstanding clause, which encodes "fuck you Canada, we're doing our own thing", 61 times.

Not a peep from Eby.

Alberta had a few meetings with the Prime Minister.

It's not fair and I suggest that Alberta start crying like a baby to get what it wants. It works in this country.

Mr. Eby, you can cry too.

Helloooo Newman: Spinal President

Helloooo Newman: Spinal President: Confusing the amp in Spinal Tap with Xi Jinping, Donald Trump refers to the President of China as the President that goes to 11.

Spinal President

Confusing the amp in Spinal Tap with Xi Jinping, Donald Trump refers to the President of China as the President that goes to 11.

Helloooo Newman: Ashes to Trashes

Helloooo Newman: Ashes to Trashes: Rudy Giuliani has requested his ashes be sprinkled in the New York sewer system so he can feel at home while he's dead.

Ashes to Trashes

Rudy Giuliani has requested his ashes be sprinkled in the New York sewer system so he can feel at home while he's dead.

Helloooo Newman: Past Leaders

Helloooo Newman: Past Leaders: Let's do a quick check on what past great leaders are doing with their valuable time. Barack Obama Justin Trudeau Keep up the outstandin...

Past Leaders

Let's do a quick check on what past great leaders are doing with their valuable time.

Barack Obama

Justin Trudeau

Keep up the outstanding work, gentlemen. The world needs your expertise!

Helloooo Newman: Googled-out

Helloooo Newman: Googled-out: I'm so sick of a world where I can Google anything I want to know and have the answer in seconds. It's exhausting being so well-info...

Googled-out

I'm so sick of a world where I can Google anything I want to know and have the answer in seconds. It's exhausting being so well-informed.

I want to go back to when I was ignorant of almost everything. 

So at my next party, I'm just gonna say I have no fucking clue what the answer to that is and you shouldn't have any clue either. 

Was the Genghis in Genghis Kahn pronounced with a soft "G" or a hard "G"?

Who fucking cares?

Was it van Ghaaaaaghgha or van Goooooo?

Doesn't matter. It was still stupid to cut your ear off. BTW, Google told me he cut just part of his ear off, not the entire ear.

All this time I was misinformed.

No Google search. Stay uninformed!