Helloooo Newman: Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?

Helloooo Newman: Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?: David Eby, BC Premier and saviour of Canada, has complained that Carney is spending too much time and energy catering to a province that wan...

Is he pretending to be an Ebyit?

David Eby, BC Premier and saviour of Canada, has complained that Carney is spending too much time and energy catering to a province that wants to separate.

That province is Alberta.

Tomorrow, Mr. Eby will have his very own private geography lesson.

Easy-to-understand illustrations and simple words will be used to teach (or perhaps remind) him that Canada has 10 provinces and one of those provinces is called Quebec.

Quebec has wanted to separate since Canadian bacon became a thing. Long before Timbits were the chosen cuisine of any Canadian with a mouth.

Many Prime Ministers have broken bones and torn ligaments genuinely genuflecting and contorting to try and satisfy Quebec's insatiable thirst for their own nation.

They whine more than a Rogers Stadium full of unfed babies and Canada is always there to change their diaper and spoon them poutine.

They've used the notwithstanding clause, which encodes "fuck you Canada, we're doing our own thing", 61 times.

Not a peep from Eby.

Alberta had a few meetings with the Prime Minister.

It's not fair and I suggest that Alberta start crying like a baby to get what it wants. It works in this country.

Mr. Eby, you can cry too.

Helloooo Newman: Spinal President

Helloooo Newman: Spinal President: Confusing the amp in Spinal Tap with Xi Jinping, Donald Trump refers to the President of China as the President that goes to 11.

Spinal President

Confusing the amp in Spinal Tap with Xi Jinping, Donald Trump refers to the President of China as the President that goes to 11.

Helloooo Newman: Ashes to Trashes

Helloooo Newman: Ashes to Trashes: Rudy Giuliani has requested his ashes be sprinkled in the New York sewer system so he can feel at home while he's dead.

Ashes to Trashes

Rudy Giuliani has requested his ashes be sprinkled in the New York sewer system so he can feel at home while he's dead.

Helloooo Newman: Past Leaders

Helloooo Newman: Past Leaders: Let's do a quick check on what past great leaders are doing with their valuable time. Barack Obama Justin Trudeau Keep up the outstandin...

Past Leaders

Let's do a quick check on what past great leaders are doing with their valuable time.

Barack Obama

Justin Trudeau

Keep up the outstanding work, gentlemen. The world needs your expertise!

Helloooo Newman: Googled-out

Helloooo Newman: Googled-out: I'm so sick of a world where I can Google anything I want to know and have the answer in seconds. It's exhausting being so well-info...

Googled-out

I'm so sick of a world where I can Google anything I want to know and have the answer in seconds. It's exhausting being so well-informed.

I want to go back to when I was ignorant of almost everything. 

So at my next party, I'm just gonna say I have no fucking clue what the answer to that is and you shouldn't have any clue either. 

Was the Genghis in Genghis Kahn pronounced with a soft "G" or a hard "G"?

Who fucking cares?

Was it van Ghaaaaaghgha or van Goooooo?

Doesn't matter. It was still stupid to cut your ear off. BTW, Google told me he cut just part of his ear off, not the entire ear.

All this time I was misinformed.

No Google search. Stay uninformed!