Helloooo Newman: Binary Code: My computer code has come out as non-binary.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
Monday 31 August 2020
Wednesday 26 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Technology
Helloooo Newman: Technology: It's time that Dora the Explorer uses Google Maps. Or Waze. Whichever. Get with it, Dora.
Helloooo Newman: Failed State
Helloooo Newman: Failed State: Headline in the news: Armed citizens and mercenaries clash. Just another day in Sudan. Shit, sorry. Wait a minute. This was in the United St...
Failed State
Headline in the news: Armed citizens and mercenaries clash.
Just another day in Sudan.
Shit, sorry. Wait a minute. This was in the United States.
Got my failed states mixed up.
Monday 24 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Ask Not For Whom the Death Tolls
Helloooo Newman: Ask Not For Whom the Death Tolls: A recent poll on the Covid death toll finds that 57% of Republicans think the current number of dead is acceptable. The other 43% feel it sh...
Ask Not For Whom the Death Tolls
A recent poll on the Covid death toll finds that 57% of Republicans think the current number of dead is acceptable. The other 43% feel it should be higher.
Sunday 23 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Car Food
Helloooo Newman: Car Food: Bought some wings from the grocery store and by the time I got home they were all ready to eat out of the trunk of my car. Must be hot out.
Car Food
Bought some wings from the grocery store and by the time I got home they were all ready to eat out of the trunk of my car. Must be hot out.
Tuesday 18 August 2020
Monday 17 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Books on Tape
Helloooo Newman: Books on Tape: As if duct tape didn't have enough useful uses, you can now buy books on duct tape. That's right. Read Jane Eyre on duct tape and t...
Books on Tape
As if duct tape didn't have enough useful uses, you can now buy books on duct tape.
That's right. Read Jane Eyre on duct tape and then fix the cracked toilet seat.
A great world…getting better.
Wednesday 12 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Anti-Vaxxer
Helloooo Newman: Anti-Vaxxer: From the man who poisons his enemies around the world, V. Putin, comes a covid vaccine to save your life. Suddenly I'm an anti-vaxxer.
Anti-Vaxxer
From the man who poisons his enemies around the world, V. Putin, comes a covid vaccine to save your life.
Suddenly I'm an anti-vaxxer.
Monday 10 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Mount Rush Me Outta Here
Helloooo Newman: Mount Rush Me Outta Here: Upon hearing that it's been suggested President Trump have his face carved into the solid granite of Mount Rushmore, the four famous fac...
Mount Rush Mortified
Upon hearing that it's been suggested President Trump have his face carved into the solid granite of Mount Rushmore, the four famous faces have demanded to be moved.
In their desperation to leave the landmark mountain, the four President's have begun to cry human tears, and won't stop until moved to a better location. Scientists fear that the acidity of human tears will wear away at the granite, causing acne, rosacea and pock marks, possibly looking worse than Keith Richards.
Said Abe Lincoln: Look, I appreciate the honour. Freeing the slaves was really hard, even though many Republicans still yearn for those days. But I've had it with this Trump thing. Put me on a PEZ dispenser if you have to. I'll take a bobblehead. Maybe a door knocker. Just get me outta here.
Thursday 6 August 2020
Safety First
We at Helloooo Newman want you to know that your safety is our top concern. Normally it would be money, but we don't make any.
As such, we only write covid-free articles. You should also read 6 feet from your screen, have a mask on, a bottle of bleach handy and a hypodermic needle. You cannot come into our house and read articles. We have a drive-thru for desperate people, but you'll have to explain to all the traffic why you're stopping. Speak into our tree.
We want you to know that we are all in this together. That means if you see us on the street, stay the fuck away.
Like all difficult times, this too shall pass. However, my readership is way up, so…well, go, vaccine, go.
Remember, after every storm comes a rainbow. Unless it's a huge flood and tornado, and then probably it's a rainbow trout in your living room.
Helloooo Newman: Safety First
Helloooo Newman: Safety First: We at Helloooo Newman want you to know that your safety is our top concern. Normally it would be money, but we don't make any. As such,...
Wednesday 5 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Musketeers No More
Helloooo Newman: Musketeers No More: They're not happy with it, but until everyone gets the vaccine, they are willing to go by the Three Masketeers.
Musketeers No More
They're not happy with it, but until everyone gets the vaccine, they are willing to go by the Three Masketeers.
Tuesday 4 August 2020
Bucket List
I like to put really dangerous activities on my bucket list. Makes me feel alive.
This week's challenge: getting a haircut.
Helloooo Newman: Bucket List
Helloooo Newman: Bucket List: I like to put really dangerous activities on my bucket list. Makes me feel alive. This week's challenge: getting my haircut.
Saturday 1 August 2020
Helloooo Newman: Failed State
Helloooo Newman: Failed State: The WHO has declared the United States a failed state. Asks Roger Daltrey: Who the fuck are you?
Failed State
The WHO has declared the United States a failed state.
Asks Roger Daltrey: Who the fuck are you?
Helloooo Newman: The Second Coming
Helloooo Newman: The Second Coming: Donald Trump is in negotiations with Jesus Christ to delay the upcoming election along with the second coming. Jesus is totally on board wit...
The Second Coming
Donald Trump is in negotiations with Jesus Christ to delay the upcoming election along with the second coming. Jesus is totally on board with the delay, being the dictator he his.
Said Jesus: "Not only will the election be rigged, so will my returning. You know how easy it is to buy a fake beard and nails for your hands? Fake coming, that's what that is. By the way, if I don't like what you did, you'll burn in hell. But I love you too."
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