Did you know that the North American continent is still rising after the megatonnage weight of the last ice age melted away? Remarkable.
The same thing is happening to my belly. Obviously at some point my belly was covered in a thick ice sheet, it melted away, and that explains its slow rising and expansion. A process so slow, it's barely noticable, unless you are looking at me.
It's not the beer. There's no chance I could have had that much beer in my life. Is there?
The melting of the ice cleared the way for hair to settle on my belly. There are island-civilizations of hair on my belly that have never met each other. They think they live in an incredibly expanding universe. They do. One genius little hair will discover and study the wormhole at the centre of their universe – my belly button. They will enter that wormhole and visit parallel universes – my colon, my double-chin, jowls, man-boobs. And still, they won't find the answers they are looking for. There are no answers.
I also have climate change on my scalp and my continence are drifting.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
