I hope I'm really drunk when I die. That way I'll be drunk when I first arrive in Heaven. It's like pre-drinking for a party that lasts forever. The best part is I can puke on a cloud, and one of the Angels will clean it up. And there are no hangovers in Heaven. I can drink all the aperitifs I want, which I don't do while I'm alive because they are too sweet for my eco-GMO-fair-trade-vegan-low-carbon-footprint sensitive tummy.
Like a dessert wine. Have you ever had dessert wine? I might as well just pour vomit down my throat, cuz that's what's coming back 5 minutes later.
And I want one of them 72 virgins. Or maybe four. Can I handle four? I am dead, after all. Do Christians get virgins? And who keeps replenishing those virgins? I mean, once they, you know, they aren't virgins anymore. Where do they get them? Do they ever run low? That's a bad time to die.
An alcohol-fueled afterlife. And virgins. That would give this life meaning.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
