Here's a disturbing trend.
The "friendversary"
Brought to you by Farcebook. I mean Fakebook. No, Fartbook. Fetidbook. Fecklessbook.
Fuckoffbook.
There are two glaring problems with the concept of "friendversary".
The word anniversary is a generic term, meaning the annual turning of some event. It does not apply to any specific event, like marriage, and certainly not friendship. We just use it in the context of a wedding most often.
"It is our anniversary" is interpreted as our wedding anniversary, but it could just as easily mean we are celebrating the adoption of our pet monkey.
If we are going to use the word "friendversary", then we would also have to say "weddingversary", which I'm sure you will agree is really stupid. So stupid that the word "friendversary" should be banned immediately. I think it is in North Korea.
Since "friendversary" does not contain the prefix "anni", meaning annual, how am I to know when to celebrate this event?
There is a much bigger problem with "friendversary". It's a profoundly dumb idea. Are you telling me I need to celebrate, every year, the first time I met all my friends?
On Fuckedupbook I have 130 friends (which is fucked up in itself). You do the math. I'll be wearing adult diapers so I have enough time at the computer to calculate and track all those dates.
And 130 friends is low, although incredibly high for me. I know people with 10 million friends. That's 10,000 truckloads of diapers.
Am I suppose to get some kind of gift? Will there be a silver "friendversary"? Will my friends pout all day if I forget it?
Fuck that. If I call a friend and wish him or her "happy friendversary", I would expect them to cease all contact with me, followed by a complete denial that they ever knew me.
Pretty soon the price of roses will quadruple on my "friendversary" days.
I love having friends. So much so, I'm not going to wish them "happy friendversary".
