Some time ago I ran into Warren Buffett at a buffet.
Between the clam chowder and butter on ice, there he towered. The single greatest investor the world has seen since Jesus invested in our sins.
The G-O-D of the G-I-C.
He eats food. Human?
As if: The lucky few who gave Mr. Buffett their last penny to invest when he first started are now worth 400 quintillion trillion billion dollars and eight-six cents. Minus broker fees.
That's the GDP of the entire Milky Way.
I had to say hi.
My body did a musical tremolo. "Hello Mr. Buffett (I pronounced as BuffAY), are you enjoying the buffet?" (I pronounced as BuffETT).
Moronic, but gutsy.
As I turned towards him – a friendly face – a huge smile – a hand out to shake.
I tried all three, to no avail cuz he didn't really notice me.
He mumbled something unintelligible, and I decided it was, "Fancy meeting you here, Mr. Hardie. Clearly those investments of yours are performing superbly."
Not much time. Can I learn something "investmenty" before we pass the banana cream pie?
Perhaps if I eat what he eats I'll absorb his wisdom.
His focus was unbreakable. He studied the option of roast beef or cedar plank salmon as if weighing driverless cars vs Uber rickshaws as his next investment. Knowledgeable eyes scanned the meal descriptions, only the relevant details pondered, ready to own the risk.
The hand with the golden touch reached for…the egg-white omelette? BORING. How can such an adventurous mind make such a safe choice?
Wait. Mixed in with the fluffy whites, am I missing the metaphor of a sage investment strategy here?
Should I? Egg whites taste like soap. What if it's the wrong choice?
I went for tried and true – spaghetti with marinara. It sprang off my plate and decorated the floor.
There's my investment strategy, I thought.
Looking back, I shouldn't be surprised security acted so quickly, in light of Mr. Buffett's importance.
I was on the street in no time.
If life is a buffet, I guess I'm destined for the Applebee's variety.
(Spoiler: Part of this conversation took place in my head only)
