My brother is one of the many followers that worship kale.
"ZIEG KALE", they shout at their secret meetings.
They failed with super humans, so now they're on to super foods. The human penchant for seeking perfection and "bestowing" it on others never ends.
It's fine to say, "Hey, this food is really good for you, try it."
It tastes like the rug in my hallway, but okay.
Ardent supporters of kale consumption word it a bit differently.
"You should eat more and more kale. Eat it all day and night, Sam I am. Eat it when your cells begin to divide in the womb. Load up on it everyday in hopes of preventing the horrible, painful and early death that awaits you if you stop. We will make you eat it, so you might as well start now."
It's so obvious they're plagiarizing the blitzkrieg. The kalekrieg. Here comes the Kale War Machine. Eat it NOW, without pause.
Their war effort will not succeed. The bacon hordes are fighting back.
I joined the bacon hordes long ago. We fight for the right to food with flavour, and to a premature death. I wear my heart disease on my sleeve.
The kale-bacon wars have only begun.
It's breakfast time. On with the fight!
