In a bid to demonstrate his unlimited presidential powers, Trump charged himself with a serious crime today. He arrested himself and secured the handcuffs. Then he took himself to a jail, performed a full cavity search, took his own mugshot and locked himself up.
Shortly after arriving at jail, he held a trial where he was the judge, jury and defendant. He found himself guilty and sent himself to prison, whereupon he fed himself 3 prison meals a day, raped himself in the shower, joined a gang comprising only himself, and gave himself a tattoo of Melania's face on the bottom of his foot.
Finally, he declared he can't break the law, and pardoned himself.
"See. I can do what I want. No one can charge me with a crime, but I can charge myself."
"If Martha Stewart went through half of what I did, she deserves a pardon too."
