You know who are the most pissed off primates?
The chimpanzees, that's who.
Imagine being second in line for the top species on the planet, only to be left sitting alone on a sofa and thinking about what could have been.
Sorry chimps, you failed the audition.
"Let them eat bananas", said wannabe King chimp, only it didn't turn out that way.
So close. So, so close – but no cigar. Oh alright, chimps, you can smoke a cigar and ya, wear the shirt and tie, just don't get them caught in the tricycle wheels while you work at the circus.
4%.
That's what scientists estimate is the difference in DNA between humans and chimpanzees. Four lousy percent. That's the error rate in political polls and we follow them to elect our leaders. Four percent and the difference in behaviour is as dramatic as getting your tv signal with a coat hanger vs premium cable.
Could you not just give it to them, God? I had four points on my licence and the cop still let me off for speeding, because he was having a good day. Do you ever have a good day, God?
To be fair, God did take a poll.
"Humans will rule the earth. Thumbs for? Thumbs opposed" The chimps would have opposed, but they lacked that opposing thumb.
