In my never-ending quest for fame and riches as a writer, I came across something odd, maybe quaint, definitely annoying, as I was searching for a publication that might publish one of my fabulously-written, heart-felt articles.
Every publication has a "how-to" section on submitting articles. This section serves to weed out morons who submit moronic humourous articles about, say, cute dogs or deeper issues like whether God puts the lid down after going pee. Um, anyway…
This one publication site – I emphasize the word "site" because I was searching on the internet – asks that you mail your article to them.
Like, on a piece of paper. This requires you to actually type out your article and print it.
And get this. You also have to send a SASE (self addressed stamped envelope, for those under 40) so they can mail back their acceptance or rejection letter.
That is so, ah, charming. They actually call themselves old school. Hence the SASE.
I call it inner-city, broken down, drug-riddled school.
Or stupid school.
Duh, of course we have an "old school" website. But getting our web designer to add something that allows you to attach, or maybe email, your article?
That's waaaayyyy to 21st century for us. After all, our publication is printed on birch bark.
Did I say printed? Sorry. I meant scrawled with the blood of a bison.
I guess I'll submit a timely article to their publication on how to renovate your cave, or the latest in cave drawings, or how to tenderize mastodon meat.
Obviously these people have stock in the post office. And their stock ain't doing so well these days. Let's get some biz going for the posties, don't you know.
I sent them a self addressed stamped memory stick. Oh, this is gonna be fun.
These people need to stop pushing the envelope!
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
