I can't decide if the universe has a plan and if I'm included in that plan.
Certain events convince me something deeper is going on. Years ago I was travelling through Europe. I lost my plane ticket at a hostel. I can't remember the city - I think it was Saltzburg or Frieburg, pretty sure it wasn't Hamburg, although I wish it had been bacon cheddar cheeseburg, my favourite European city.Weeks went by, I replaced the ticket and forgot about it. Then one day I was in a lineup at the hostel in Luxembourg and began chatting with two guys behind me. Luxembourg is an absolutely beautiful city. The hostel is located in a gorge of lush greenery. This is where I bought my inter-rail pass so I could travel around Europe being treated like livestock for real cheap.
As I said, I began talking to these two guys. I had already tried talking to all the girls in the line with no luck. I definitely found it strange that every single girl in the line told me they were an undercover agent for Interpol and couldn't talk to me because it distracted them from apprehending a world renowned criminal by the name of Uri Loser. Strange name, indeed.
Back to the guys. I introduced myself and one of the guys says, "Paul Hardie? That name sounds so familiar…hmmm…did you lose a plane ticket a while back?" Turns out these two guys found my plane ticket. They tried to sell it for face value. Um, I'd like you to meet Uri Loser, guys.
It took me a few days to get over this "coincidence". Think of the population of Europe, people moving about every second, millions of small decisions being made, trains on time, early and late and a billion other things. How could this conceivably happen without a plan? The bigger question is where was this plan last week when I picked my lottery numbers? Or that day I was walking out of a bar and accidentally tripped this big greek guy. He looked so strong I was sure he was going to punch me in the soul. He settled on my eye.
Events like this make me think there's a guy in the sky, my guy, who's watching out for me. He's the man with the plan.
Why not reveal some of the plan to me? Or at least we could go over it once and I could jot down some major points. Then I would have known that mixing coke and scotch would make me vomit like a dying hippo. I would not have studied psychology, only to figure out that I'd rather remove old septic tanks from cottages than listen to other people complain about their meaningless lives. I keep myself busy enough doing that.
I think everyone should get a peak at THEIR plan. Maybe just a short synopsis in a pdf would do. I know, that's some 6.5 billions pdfs, but He must have secretaries. Could that many terabites crash the whole universe? Maybe the universe could do with a restart anyway.
Even if there is a plan, or plans, I have a few concerns with the whole notion anyway. Lots of things in this world with a good plan turn out horribly. The leaning tower of Pisa, for instance. Charles and Di's marriage. How about everyone traveling on the Hindenburg?
Why do plans differ so radically? Compare Pee-wee Herman, who went from t.v. star for kids to masturbating in theatres, and John Holmes, the porn star who went from masturbating in theatres to international movie star.
The universe as it is just doesn't make sense to me. If God is the architect, did He spill coffee on the blueprints? Why did He start at such a large scale? Why not build a small scale version of the universe and see how it works? What kind of AutoCAD program did He use? It took 40 architects just to build the CN tower. I think Mike Holmes, not the porn star but the reno guy, should have had a once over before he started the big bang.
If God is a teacher, where is He now? Does He have that many sick days stored up that He doesn't have to show?
If God is a politician, when is He up for re-election? What are the choices? How can He possibly win without appearing on CNN?
If God is the World leader, what does that mean for the G8? Are there 7 other Gods He must negotiate with? Are they all as sexy, muscular and heroic as Vladimir Putin?
If God is a healer, what ailments are covered under His plan? Can He cancel it for pre-existing conditions? Didn't He create those conditions?
Maybe God is like that guy on the t.v. show Cake Boss. If the universe is a very large cake, I want more icing. Or at least give me a corner piece. Make it a money cake. At any rate, why invent us while the cake is still baking? Finish the cake, put it on a nice tray and then bring us in. I know, I was never promised a rose on my cake.
So I'm still looking for my plan? Maybe another trip to Europe is warranted. I hope it's not on the floor of some theatre.
