Right from the get go, He got things backwards. It started with the big bang. This means everything is spreading apart. Today it will take you slightly longer than it did yesterday to get to work.
Does this make sense? Why not start with everything huge and spread apart and have it slowly come together? It makes commuting far easier over time. By the time we decide to build a new subway we won't need one.
It also brings everyone in the universe closer together. Right now things are so far apart we can only talk with our galactic neighbours every once in a while through the odd ufo sighting and abduction. These aliens could end abductions tomorrow if they were closer and the trip was easier and cheaper.
Suddenly all our problems would seem smaller because everything really is getting smaller. The size of the U.S. debt would shrink from 10 septajagillywillion dollars to something a little larger than Sarah Palin's brain. That's very small and quite manageable.
Things are just getting too large in this world. In Vegas the term "city block" means a block the size of New York or Chicago. That's pretty hard to walk when you've been drinking cheap beer 24/7. Imagine Sarah Palin with a normal sized ego. That would happen in this universe. You could read a shrinking A Tale of Two Cities in a few minutes and explain the themes at parties. Because the universe is getting smaller, there won't be room for the famous opening line, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times". This would contract to, "Things sucked, but not totally".
I suppose women would be disappointed in this universe. Certain important objects would be getting smaller and smaller. But they could do what I did when I was single. Put a mirror on their ceiling with the words "objects are larger than they appear" printed on it.
My wife has created this kind of a universe for herself. In our universe right now we all know that cause precedes effect. Swing hammer (cause) and the nail goes in the wood (effect). My wife has reversed cause and effect so now she gets mad at me before I do something wrong. This saves her time and allows her to get mad when it easily fits her schedule as opposed to waiting for me to actually do something wrong. Smart lady!
With cause and effect reversed, you could sit down for a meal and already be full. Then you could go through the menu and select the things you ate that made you full. Um, I had the watercress salad with the boiled chicken and parsnip puree. I did not have the deep fried, bacon wrapped meatloaf with a side of poutine smothered in rendered animal fat. Instant weight loss.
Yes, lots of things are backwards in the universe. Like the word Dog. More later on what the universe would look like if a Dog were in charge.
