Do you suffer from Royal Infantigue? Are you ready to induce a coma so you can miss all the press about an omnipotent and omnipresent royal baby?
I made a list of things that I found much more useful to do.
• watch the International Hooters Swimsuit Pageant on t.v.
• cut your toenails, mix up the clippings in a bag, and then try and match them with the right nail, like a puzzle
• watch Dog the Bounty Hunter, whose face inspires everyone to never have another baby ever again
• break into someone's house and do their laundry, fold it nicely and leave a bill
• sit in a sensory deprivation chamber and pipe in Don Pardo's voice on a loop saying, "it's Saturday Night Live"
• cover the roof of your mouth with peanut butter and try and say "Irish wristwatch" really quickly ten times
• call a friend and tell them you have a grand prize winning lottery ticket, they accidentally grabbed it when they were visiting and could they please find it so you can split it with them
• look at Newman's baby pictures
Have fun.
