Long Island Medium Pizza with Extra Happiness on it
Occasionally I will stray from the dog theme when the world urgently needs my perspective.Some people I know (names are protected under deep throat status) watch that show The Long Island Medium (The LIM from now on). It features this lady who wanders around malls and neighbourhoods contacting the dead for the living, to make a living. I don't know how to describe her, other than I think her head would make a great halloween mask.
I'm not sure about the ability to contact the dead. Could be possible. I've certainly been to some parties where it felt like I was conversing with a dead person. Occasionally in the mirror too. What I am completely unable to accept is that every dead person she contacts is profoundly happy.
Like the guy who saved his kid when their kayak flipped over, only to have himself drown. Happy he is. He's in the sadness-free zone, folks. No depression here. When The LIM was speaking to him, not a word of regret that he and his kid weren't wearing life jackets. No apology to the family. He says I am happy and you (his wife) should quit your sobbing and be happy too. I'd be slapping myself upside the spirit head, racked with guilt, looking for a job in heaven so I could send some money back. I'd certainly expect my wife to be screaming at me like a banshee.
So he screws up and gets to be happy, while the wife is tearing away and leading an empty existence. It's unfair when other people win the lottery and I don't, but this is a whole new level of unfairness. And what do our children learn from this? Yes, if you're smart you too have to wait some 80-odd years before you achieve real happiness.
I can see why he might be somewhat satisfied. There are no lineups for him, no weight lose programs, and no roaming charges when The LIM calls. But to be constantly surrounded by millions of other really happy souls, always positive, no complaining. I want to slap souls like that.
These dead people could also realize they are on t.v and be performing for the cameras. Their 15 minutes, so to speak. But what's in it for them? You can't see them, and it's not their voice you hear, but The LIM's. Would you want your voice attached to next year's halloween mask?
The only earthly equivalent of this happy-to-be-dead thing I can think of is North Korea, where all the official videos show extremely happy people cheering their Dear Leader. Starring in these videos is much better than starving in the street. Maybe the dead people are being threatened if they don't feign happiness. But threatened with what? They're already dead. I know. To be sent back to earth. Does God go around uttering life threats?
The main message this guy had for his wife was he wanted her to believe again. Believe what? That there's still time to meet a much smarter guy? A guy who will put away a little each month for life jackets?
So if The LIM really is talking to the dead, then the dead are pretty insensitive. Cheer up, they say, your time for happiness will come too. Ya, well why don't you pay the mortgage, dead dude? Change a dirty diaper or two.
If you thought you loved your medium pizza now with everything on it, wait til you get extra happiness on it. And you might get to be on t.v. with The LIM.
