It's an international crisis, all this wait people are putting on.
Where is the U.N. on this issue? We're still waiting. But these are "waity" issues!
MRIs, that first call from a potential girlfriend, getting your "no smiling" passport photo, end-of-the-world scenarios, all taking longer than ever.
The other day I read Waiting for Godot again. I haven't looked at it since high school. I swear all the characters were waiting much longer for this Godot fella then when I read it so long ago.
What's the key word in Godot? GO, obviously. So where the hell is he? I think he's already gone. Gonedot.
These end-of-the-world cults keep delaying things. I had all my affairs in order for the last deadline, and then they just go and cancel it. No apology. DISAPPOINTED. I can't stand being made to wait like that. Next time I think I'll have to help things along by creating a world incident that triggers a nuclear war. I've had it with delay, delay, delay.
Did you know that in the U.S. the average wait time to be executed on death row is now 21 years. That's up 11 years since the 50s. Scandalous!
To "execute" means to "carry out, accomplish." Not on death row. Wait times for MRIs or crucial surgeries pale in comparison to the "broken" institution of capital punishment.
You know what takes so long? All this fuss about how to execute someone. Make their last meal a KFC Double Down. Problem solved.
The next time a doctor is reassembling your hemispheres to save you life, be thankful you're not a mass murderer, waiting so long for what the government promised you.
Speaking of doctors, people are living longer than ever. That means an even longer wait to die. How depressing.
And the most important wait time of all? JESUS. Up and up it goes.
Theories abound as to why it's taking him so long.
Stuck in traffic near the Big Dipper. He and God are arguing over what to wear. He can't show up in the same clothes. That's just gross. Plus he should coordinate with the season of his arrival. Will pastels be trendy? If he wears white after Labour Day, I'm gonna puke.
Clearly, when Jesus took off after the resurrection, someone should have had him fill out an appointment card. Your next app't is ??????? Pick a time, dude.
Then when he shows up late, we can do what my dentists did to me. Embarrassed me in front of all the other patients, charged me for the app't and forgot the anesthetic on my next root canal.
I think it's been so long that Jesus has developed a fear of public speaking. People fear public speaking more than death. Wait a minute. Jesus has already been dead. That's a good introduction to speaking in front of 7 billion people.
Maybe he doesn't know what to say. Maybe he needs a good speech writer.
Ya, well I'm busy. Wait your turn.
