Yet some lazy people find themselves with extra time in the day to get stuff done, even after napping, talking, caffinating, bitching, yawning, urinating and eating.
Many amateur lazy people are actually faced with huge tasks on a daily basis, like putting their pants on.
Try these 10 tips from the experts at laziness so you too can stop accomplishing things.
1. They never touch things: Lazy people will look at a project, start sweating and hyperventilating at the enormity of it, and put it off for a better time, like on their 121st birthday. They lock the project in a file cabinet drawer and ignore the project's screams and pleas to GET IT DONE.
2. They ignore tomorrow: These people will ignore tomorrow until sometime next month. They end the current day depressed and are never really convinced that tomorrow will actually come. A truly lazy person's calendar is very confusing.
3. They hate eating frogs: Productive people eat frogs, or, do the least appetizing chore first. Lazy people hate frogs legs, even in a nice garlic butter sauce. They look for the most rewarding activity of the day first, like applying duct tape to the snooze button.
4. They submit to the tyranny of the urgent: "Lazies" hate important things, or the "big picture". They focus on immediate urges that get in the way of productivity, like eating a cruller, gossiping or massaging the back of their knees.
5. They deviate from all schedules: Forget about schedules with these people. They will fuck you up, especially in meetings. They take notes on their thighs because it distracts everyone and slows things down.
6. They say yes: These people don't really want to do anything, but will say yes to everything. That's because they want you to like them, and they have lots of room in the cabinet to lock that task up.
7. They check emails all day: Even the spam. They build up all kinds of email attachments. Very dependent, insecure people.
8. They multitask: Focussing on one thing means it might get done. Lazies don't risk that. Then they'll have to start something else. It all snowballs and soon they are actually working and have a life. Multitasking is the ticket to failure, and avoiding work.
9. They stay on the grid: There's nothing like watching a good episode of Naked and Afraid while running around the house turning on anything electrical. If they didn't tune in, a lot of naked people would be unemployed.
10. They hate delegating: Lazies don't accept that you might be smart enough to help them. They are perfectly capable of completing the job, if they weren't so good at being lazy.
Many of us are searching for ways to be lazier. I hope these strategies help you to eliminate any extra impulse you have to get anything done.
