Why do so many vegetarians always talk about the wonderful food they eat, and try to convince me to eat the same food?
That would be like me talking about KFC all day, and telling everyone they really need more fried chicken in their diet.
Fried chicken is one of the few signs of evidence I accept that God exists. I went to Florida not too long ago and the supermarket there had the most wonderful, juicy, crispy, golden brown, delicious, just-perfectly-cooked, hot, crispy, golden brown and juicy (and most wonderful) fried chicken. Made right there in front of you. The chicken starts out white and kind of yucky looking, but after not too long it develops this beautiful glittering gold tan colour that your mouth is just dying to crunch into. Like a beautiful woman tanning on a tropical beach. That beautiful blanket of greasy goodness swaddles the meat, so you end up with juicy, sweet and tender chicken. The dichotomy of the crispy skin and the melting chicken meat startles you at first, but then sends a signal to your brain that your body is undergoing something wonderful. Every bite is an emotional journey into my childhood, when I first took a bite of KFC and found God. You really should try it if you haven't. Until then, you haven't lived. You are missing out on a religious experience like no other.
But, you know, I don't go on about it like vegetarians do.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
