Beside every Canadian Tire store I'm building a store called Canadian Retire. All the employees are retired, so there's no one in the store. Even then, we'll have better customer service than Canadian Tire.
Why do we always say, "Hey, keep an eye on that guy." Why not both eyes? What is the other eye doing? Reading? Try both eyes. It works better.
It's funny that death is called the big sleep, and we follow it with a wake. A near death experience is called the big nap.
It's impossible to preview a movie. You're either viewing it or you aren't. You can pre-drink or have pre-sex before the movie. But you can't preview the movie.
It's also impossible for a house to be semi-detached. My house is attached to another house. I've looked everywhere for a "semi" and there is none. Similar to the movie. You're either attached or not. Detached houses do not exist. What are they suppose to be detached from? Were they born attached to another house and then separated? It's just a house, sitting there. If anything, it's attached…to the goddamn earth.
All cars are used cars. Unless the car was built in the very spot that you bought it and drove it away from.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
