I applied for a job at the National Security Agency. I told them I'm really good at keeping secrets. For experience, I put down that I worked at Victoria's Secret. I kept their secret for ten long years. Oh, I was pumped for info. Nope. Not a word revealed. No interview yet.
I'm excited about this new jean therapy. Mine are all falling apart.
Cosmologists have discovered that the universe was actually made in China, and did not arise out of the Big Bang, as originally thought. Our universe is based on hacked plans from a far better universe that is great to live in and makes perfect sense. As punishment, the other universe has erected tariffs.
My wife and I are getting semi-detached. We want a divorce, but we're still friends.
My bank account needs more commas and less brackets.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
