This just in: Keanu Reeves has been arrested.
The charge: Practicing Reiki without a licence.
It seems the Reeves Woman Hug (he doesn't touch women when hugging) is really the Reeves Reiki Hug, an awful ruse to practice…Reiki…illegally.
This entire time, while not touching women to be a swell guy, he was also not touching them to practice Reiki, which is a serious crime.
The police have never seen such an underhanded scheme, even though the hands weren't touching anything.
Authorities were quick to admit that Reeves excelled at Reiki. So far he's cured 331 women of various ailments, including IBS, depression, bad acting and two women are now getting equal pay for equal acting.
