I took an informal poll of professional comedians in the United States.
By "informal" I mean I sent them a questionnaire and they all ignored it.
The results were startling.
Every single one of them is voting for Donald Trump. That's my conclusion, anyway, after pouring over the research. Pouring lots of beer, too. Also, accidentally pouring beer on my research.
I would vote for him if I could. Thankfully I can't, so I don't have to live with the shame, private as it would be.
It's inevitable that every comedian in the U.S. will vote Trump, because no useful comedian would turn down four years (eight years?) of the richest comedic material since Christianity started.
If you are a comedian and you don't vote for Trump, you are saying, "Go ahead, fire my ass, end my career, take my audience away, I want to go back to being a baggage handler for American Airlines."
Don't kid yourself. Behind the snarky sarcasm and preachy speeches, the Jimmy's (Fallon and Kimmel), Colbert, Noah, Myers, DeGeneres, Conan, Bee, the myriad of lesser-knowns and all the peripheral employees will be sneaking into a voting booth in Buford, Wyoming (smallest town in America, pop. 1, rising to 1,000,000 on election day), casting for Trump, getting a beet juice colon wash as a cleansing ritual, and then getting down to funny business.
These are the people that will turn the election in Trump's favour. The undecided (wink, wink) decideds. The comedic cabal, if you will.
If you are a comedy consumer, you will be, in the end, quite happy that comedians took charge of this process. You will laugh uproariously for four years (eight years?) and still look in the mirror, saying, "I didn't bring Trump to office, they did."
What's that famous line about comedy? Voting for Trump is hard, the comedy is easy.
