The GOP elites have finally agreed on who will replace the highly unpopular Donald Trump as their impending leader.
Obviously, they want a true conservative. A person who yearns for all Americans to own and carry a gun or, even better, an entire armoury.
No one person fits this bill precisely, so they're going to the source.
The GOP will nominate a gun for President. The Winchester Pump shotgun.
This prized gun, the world's fastest pump action, will be calling the shots in Washington, once elected.
President Winchester. A candidate of high calibre.
This president will get more done than all the President's before him. He can call three shots in half a second. That's a ton of decision-making.
When he vetoes a bill, all that's left is a puff of smoke, and a Congress running for their lives.
Go ahead, try and argue against the second amendment. He'll shoot holes right through your argument, and you might get hit too.
The savings to taxpayers will be enormous. He eats only one thing – big-ass shells. Goodbye expensive and unnecessary White House chef.
No Secret Service needed. President Winchester is his own security.
No White House needed. He lives in a shiny case, and a walnut gun cabinet for those public appearances.
America will be tough again. Imagine Mr. Putin's face when he has President Winchester staring him in the forehead. Put that shirt back on, you pussy Russian.
In keeping with the racial sensitivity that the GOP is known for, the new President Winchester will be black, as you can see in the handsome campaign photo above.
Every President needs a First Lady. Meet Mrs. Beretta Bobcat (pictured below). A gun for ladies, with all the right lady parts.
President and First Lady Winchester.
Their aim is true.
They are loaded and ready to lead.
