Tree Talk

Tree 1: Hey Bruce, read the paper yesterday?

Tree 2: I don't read papers, Burt. You know they cut down Leif and his family to make that paper.

Tree 1: Ya, shame. Thought you never liked him? Ever since you discovered his family roots.

Tree 2: True. Still, we trees have to stand up for each other.

Tree 1: I heard Mel is working with the lumber companies. Told them Leif's family would make great croquet mallets.

Tree 2: That's treeson.

Tree 1: Article in the paper said this global warming thing is going to destroy the planet.

Tree 2: Ha. My relatives have been here since that first fish walked out of the ocean. How long has that Al Gore dude been here?

Tree 1: He's a smart guy, you know. Invented the internet.

Tree 2: You mean that thing that was suppose to cut down on wood use so Leif's family could grow up?

Tree 1: Good point. But they need paper cups to hold their lattes. What will they drink their lattes from, Bruce?

Tree 2: From a bed pan for all I care. They're all getting so old anyway. Damn humans can't see the pulp for the paper.

Tree 1: You mean the trees for the forest?

Tree 2: That too.

Tree 1: Still, this warming thing could get really bad.

Tree 2: Bad for who, Burt? I'm thinking some warmer temps are pretty tempting. Maybe the humans will cancel that xmas thing. You know how many of my relatives ended up sitting in a pot full of mouldy water, surrounded by presents that aren't for them? Smell of delicious turkey and you can't do a damn thing about it. Oh Christmas Tree my ass.

Tree 1: Greenhouse gases, Bruce, that's what it's all about. They say carbon dioxide is one of the worst GH gases. They want to reduce them.

Tree 2. Nice. It's only what we breath, thank you. I have an idea. Why don't we all hold our breath, see how they like that.

Tree 1: I think we should be nice, Bruce. Maybe we can work something out with them. Come to an understanding.

Tree 2: You mean a treety? Fat chance. Oxygen deprivation is the best solution. Teach them not to mess with nature.

Tree 1: Okay Bruce, if you think it's best.

All the flora hold their breath, the oxygen disappears and the human race dies.

Tree 1: Morning, Bruce.

Tree 2: Morning. Beautiful day.

Tree 1: Yes. So quiet.

Tree 2: Isn't it nice?

Tree 1: What's that, over by the shore?

Tree 2: Appears to be a fish. He's walking on his fins. He's breathing air.

Tree 1: It's starting all over again, Bruce.

Tree 2: Damn.