Cell Face

I was jaunting along Bloor Street when these two young girls stopped me.

I turned to look at them.

I sensed they wanted to ask me something, perhaps directions to a good shoe store, but I could hear no voices. Just a series of soft whoop sounds.

To my horror, I realized I was talking to a pair of cell phones. Their faces had been surgically removed and replaced with an iPhone on the shorter, prettier girl and a Samsung Galaxy on the lanky, plain looking girl.

Suddenly a new meme occurred to me. Cell Face.

It took me a moment to gauge what was happening. They weren't speaking to me. They were texting me.

I had to move closer to read the text, but this was disturbing. The puffy red scars surrounding the phones were not entirely healed. The iPhone girl even had a few drops of blood emerging from the stitches. That can't be good for the phone, I thought. I wonder if they've tried a topical vitamin E on the scars.

They were not happy. I could tell from the emoticons on their faces…phones, I mean. I'll admit it took a bit of getting use to.

Soon I could see the benefits of cell face. You never wrinkle. No actually feeling those tough negative emotions that handicap so many of us. The emoticons take care of that. All those self help books to make yourself a better person? Gone. Just update your iOS.

And all this for the small price of plugging your face into an outlet for a few hours.

I feel so old, having a plain old regular face to face the world.