Hey Facebook. Here's a suggestion about friend suggestions.
I know you're desperate for connections, kind of like Oregon's Honey Mushroom, which started out as one spore and is now the largest living organism, living below ground, covering an area of 2,200 acres and eating trees in its path, but…you can assume that I don't want to be friends with my 17-year-old daughter's friends, okay?
What am I? Some kind of creepy uncle who dresses up as Santa every year?
