IQ

I'm at the age now where reading elevator buttons is an IQ test for me.

It's hard entering an elevator and quickly assessing which button closes the elevator doors and which one opens them. Those little triangles can be confusing for an old guy like me. Might as well be ancient Sumerian symbols – hey look, according to these strange buttons, aliens visited this elevator and installed really gross carpeting, wall-to-wall mirrors and an odour of urinal pucks.

Yesterday I crushed three old ladies, two dogs and a Fedex package from Tiffany's marked "Fragile, Irreplaceable and Expensive".

I rode the elevator to the basement and hid.