Malls

I don't get malls.

Why have a piano store in a mall? "Hey honey, after I get some pants, shoes and groceries, I just want to quickly pop in and buy a $50,000 grand piano."

And those key cutting stores. They're always located deep in the environs of the mall, smack dab in the last place you ever want to find yourself. Usually right beside the shoemaker. And for some reason the electricity doesn't quite reach there. That's why the lights are always flickering.

When I get my keys cut, that's when I also do my drug deals, because no one is around to see.

Why do we hide these stores? Maybe because we also hide our keys.

I'm pretty sure the key grinding guy and the shoemaker are the same guy everywhere, he's always been about 72 years old, and his back has never been straight. I think he was in Lord of the Rings too.

You never see a sale on key grinding. I bet that disappoints janitors. Today only: 80 keys for the price of 60. Girls washroom keys half price.

The key cutting store should really be located elsewhere, like near the dentist. Hey, while you're grinding my teeth down, can you grind this key for me too?

Or near the real estate agent. Need a key to get into your new house, don't you?

Maybe the best place to be located is beside Starbucks. Can you grind me three keys and a pound of robusta please?