People live longer than ever before. So do dogs and cats. Even Mayflies, which have been seen vacaying on the Med as late as July 18th til around 6:38 p.m.
All this extra time, and for some reason our words are getting shorter and shorter.
Delish
Whatevs
Forevs
Vacay
Probs
Obvi
V – for very, as in "I'm v excited"
and the infamous LOL, ROFL, LMAO, ROFLOLLMAO and sometimes Y
What's the rush? Soon our language will be so short that we'll be finished saying and writing everything by age 12. Vocal chords will be the new appendix. What are those weird things for? Doctors will perform vocal chordectomies.
I'm sure that eventually we can get entire books down to less than a letter long. I read 800 books on Oprah's list today.
When we all live in space, maybe words will be dehydrated, like our food – just add water to "whv" and it becomes "whatever". "Hey George, why is my copy of Moby Dick all wet?" Well, it is about a whale.
You know what? People take up a lot of room too. Maybe we can short-form people. Let's dehydrate them, and add water when we really need them. Except for Michael Moore. It is not possible to dehydrated Michael Moore.
I suppose we could also encode our peeps on a memory stick. Imagine being able to carry all your friends in the back pocket of your jeans. "Ah shit, I shouldn't have sat down so hard. No more friends."
"Hey, W(ake) up P(aul), we need a B(log).
