All near-death experiences are comprised of travelling through a long, dark tunnel towards a very bright light.
What's with the tunnel? Apparently we all have to take a train to meet God.
A train? Who takes a train anymore? We're in the afterlife, not Europe. Hey God, I think it's time to update your travel methodology.
If the afterlife is as wonderful as it's sold to me on Sunday t.v., then why not First Class on the Boeing 787 Dreamliner? The flight better include luggage and food, dude. And YES, I'm bringing my hair-thinning shampoo with me.
Wait a minute – Trains and planes have emissions written all over them.
I'm more comfortable with a Tesla. Just because I'm leaving earth doesn't mean I can't do my part to save the planet for all those stuck behind living.
If you insist on a train, God, then can we change the loud, stinky tunnel trip? I hear the Alps or Rockies are beautiful. The feeling that I'm riding on a transit system just doesn't seem like a good introduction to "It's a Wonderful Afterlife".
The bright light really concerns me. As I get older, my eyes are super-sensitive to light. I fully expect to be provided with a nice pair of Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses.
The last time I saw such a bright light, I was popping out of my mom as she got a C-section. That, by the way, was Carl Sagan's explanation for the afterlife experience. The "tunnel" is the birth canal and the "bright light" is the world you're seeing for the first time. As my Gynecologist always tells me, everything leads back to the vaj.
How about a gift basket instead of a light? Gift baskets are always fun.
I hope all these common-sense changes are made by the time I die, which gives you lots of time.
Right?
Right?
