Now that Helloooo Newman is a worldwide phenomenon, I am faced with the issue of introducing advertising.
Ads would make me rich, but annoy the hell of you.
Hmmmm, what to do? Get rich or alienate my readers in Russia, Ukraine, Portugal, Germany, France, Poland, Latvia, to name a few. I certainly don't want to upset V. Putin. He might ruin my chances of running for POTUS by hacking my nude photos with Rihanna.
Maybe I should begin with product placement. That's it. Instead of full-blown ads, I'll drop some big names in my blog so those companies can send me $$$ for the mention.
Tim Hortons: Every time I drink their coffee, I think, "Gee, they should stop digging up the Alberta tar sands." Their club sandwich tasted more like a wooden club then a sandwich. You be the judge. Go visit them.
Canadian Tire: I would complain about the staff, but I've never actually met any. I think they've all been laid off. All I know is their commercials inspire me to set a ring of old car tires on fire outside of every store. The toilet paper is cheap, so go there.
The Beer Store: It's a customer-focused business model. In return for constantly increasing prices, they renovate their stores so you have to wander around a 10,000 sq. foot warehouse, kept at -1 degree, find your own goddamn beer and carry it to the cashier. I highly recommend the Beer Store, mostly because you don't have much choice. Dress warmly.
LCBO: Same as above, but wear whatever you want.
Coffee Time Donuts: Their coffee is hand-brewed inside a rat's rectum and the donuts consist of something not yet identified on the periodic table of the elements. The more you spend the more you save. Go now.
That wasn't too bad, was it? Be sure to visit each and every sponsor so I get rich.
