Tuesday 26 April 2016

Driving Miss Crazy


If you are a Miss or Mrs. in Saudi Arabia, you are not allowed to drive.

Isn't that crazy?

To quote the Deputy Crown Prince (of darkness), "The community is not convinced about women driving."

In English this reads, "The community (ahem, men) holds our scrotums in their hands and they vote by giving a proper squeeze."

On top of that, it's the only country in the world afraid of women drivers. North Korea allows women to drive – even to their own executions.

To be culturally behind Kim Jong Un is to be Unconscious and Unworthy of power.

Are there no teens in Saudi Arabia?

How many times do I get this text from my daughter?: "Dad, can you drive me to I don't know the fuck where, and an hour later drive the fuck over there, and then here, and then…?"

"No, but your mother can."

This bronze-age mentality all stems from Wahhabism.

"Wahhabi" originates from "what hobby?", referring to fat men with nothing useful to do, so they pass the time subjugating women.

I think a little sensitivity training is in order for this lumbering group of dinosaurs that escaped the big meteorite.

(Fun fact: Did you know scientists believe decaying dinosaurs are in part responsible for creating our oil?)

We can start with the very basics of human rights – Women are people too.

Course 101: Yes, there are differences between women and household pets.

Course 202: The benefits of my wife driving that screaming baby to a playdate.

Course 303: In the passenger seat I can more easily count my barrels of oil.

Course 404: If I show a little flexibility, maybe my whore, I mean mistress, will too (wink, wink).

Classes begin next Tuesday at your local oil refinery.