They were mostly positive but, given his fustian manner, he most certainly had some "tips" (known as "threats" in the company) for improvement.
Helloooo Newman got a hold of the review for perhaps his most controversial employee - God.
One can assume that in Mr. Trump's mind, God is doing a fine job overall, or he wouldn't have declared that "I have a really great relationship with God."
In the video he released of God's review, you could feel a very tangible relief on God's face, since He thought a layoff was imminent. God has no form, so you can't actually see Him in the video, but I assume He probably looks similar to His son. Picture the shroud with a smiley face.
God loves working for Mr. Trump, partly because, as Mr. Trump has said, the Bible is his favourite book. He loves both Testaments equally but tends to stick to the New Testament because it's much shorter.
God took it as an oversight that Mr. Trump seemed to be using an 8x10 of Paula Jones, one of Bill Clinton's many lovers, as a Bible bookmark. God also thought, "wow, she's not even that hot."
Beside that book was another book entitled Gods of New York.
Despite these mutually cozy feelings, Mr. Trump had a number of complaints.
God doesn't take instruction well. Mr. Trump specifically told Him to build a "big wall" around Heaven with a "big, shiny door", not a chain link fence with gates. Any old loser can climb the fence and the gates are left open half the time. Until the wall is built, please electrify the fence.
Mr. Trump was happy, however, that the number of Mexicans accepted into Heaven was decreasing, God finally closed the last Taco Bell a week ago, and Mr. Putin had a big spot in Heaven, near the Black Holy See, waiting for him.
In the end, poor God was left with more work to do and less pay. Mr. Trump increased God's fringe benefits. God was now allowed to keep busy overseeing more natural disasters and pandemics as long as they occurred in countries that were stealing jobs from America.
God wondered what Mr. Trump's plans were after being President. He will run the universe, he replied. "I'm really strong with universes. I'll make this universe great again."
God wondered if there was a place for Him in this new universe. Could He, perhaps, run it while Mr. Trump was getting his haircut?
"Well, that depends on where you were born."
