I, too, have a serious malady.
It's called iPhone power drainage syndrome.
This is the fear that your iPhone will drain itself of power while it's still in use. God forbid it gets to ZERO. That's the endgame. Life at FULL STOP.
As the power drains, so goes my self esteem, my will to live, my identity, my colour and charm. ME.
I have it bad. It kicks in at around 85%. 85%!!!
I'm as surprised as you are. I'm not glued to my iPhone like some nefarious teen, except to communicate when absolutely necessary (my daughter is in jail) or to write some of my world famous blogs.
You'd think this malady would express itself in a much more serious situation, like having an erection or using the remote.
WOW. What a whopper of an erection, but how long will it last? Should I stop thinking about Danny DeVito in a wine-coloured Versace dress with fishnets? Get it over with before it's too late.
Shit, Ice Road Truckers is on and the remote is dying. I'll have to read.
Part of the problem is the little batter icon that Apple includes on your phone. It's constantly telling you the bad news – "Hello Dave, there's a 20% chance your phone will fail in 15 minutes, you loser."
If anything, I could use that little battery icon on my erection. Coloured red, of course. Insert penis, withdraw, check battery icon. Repeat. 30 seconds left. Yaaahhhh, loads of time. Damn handy.
How would I re-power it? The only thing I can think of is the cigarette lighter-shaped charger in the car. Too small!
The prognosis is grim.
"Oh God, I wonder what image he'll use for this blog?"
