Ebolarama

For the last sleepless 48 hours, since I found out one of my articles will be published, I've been braining heavily on my fame – how it will explode and how it will change me.

Taking into account my awesome talents, offset by my egotistical mindset and complete detachment from creative reality (necessary qualities to be famous), I believe my fame will spread in a way that mimes the spread of Ebola and the Bowlerama phenomenon.

Ebolarama. This is the working title of my memoires.

Ebola is a virus. Viruses are spread via the internet. My fame will spread this way too.

Ebola is only caught through contact with the bodily fluids, blood or organs of an infected person. My articles will infect people the same way. Readers will be "touched" by my heart-wrenching prose. They will laugh, cry, wipe their eyes and thus catch and spread my fame. It will be painful. Some will not survive.

You will be infected by my fame only if you come into direct contact with my writing. Hearing about it second hand? – and you definitely will! You are safe. Until you are overcome with the urge to log onto the blog.

Ebola snuck up on the world and spread long before health professionals could get control of it. My fame will circle the globe in similar fashion.

Soon – very soon – people will gather around in large groups, much like they do at Bowlerama, read my articles, get hammered, and discuss the finer points of my deep messaging.

Their minds will roll into the gutter. They will realize the futility of life, much like the futility of knocking over pins with a boulder, only to have them pop up again and again. Thanks to my writing.

As the Bowlerama ads say, you don't really have to know how to bowl to have fun. Likewise, you don't have to know how to read to enjoy my articles. No skill is involved. That's the best part of my blog – you don't really have to know how to read.

Can we really call bowling a sport? I think not. Can we call enjoying my articles reading? Not likely.

And yes, you'll look and feel damn silly.

All the while my fame will spread across the world, and maybe my DNA as well.

I will have no time for FAMILY. I will have my FAME–ILY.

Has all this gone to my head? Unlikely. It usually takes much longer for things to make it to my head.

I. Am. A. Published. Author.