In the Mood

What I love about Newman is that he doesn't get cranky about the things that normally enrage humans.

Take sleeping, for instance. Some nights when I wake up and can't fall back asleep, I go to Newman, who is sleeping quietly on our bed somewhere among the blanket folds, and I gently pet him. It's a really nice bonding moment because he's very calm and peaceful and loves the gentle stroking motion.

I admit it's hard to find him sometimes because he's the same colour as our comforter. But when I do, he has no problem with the fact that I just woke him up from a deep sleep and probably a fun dream about carrying a dead squirrel in his mouth.

If Newman were at all human, I would expect him to say, "Hey buddy, I'm sleepin' here. I almost had the damn squirrel in my mouth, do you get it? Go pet the doll in your closet".

What do you think would happen if I tried this on my wife? I'd probably get the alarm clock implanted into the side of my face and a time stamp on my cheek of 2:38 a.m.

I would react the same way, of course. Probably even worse because I often take a while to fall asleep. My wife, on average, takes about 3 seconds to achieve a state of "slumberness".

If a passenger plane crashed outside our window, or a global thermonuclear war had just started, you could up that time to, maybe, 10-12 seconds. Meanwhile, I'm still pleading with the sleep Gods to pay me a visit.

Then there's food. Newman eats his food in about 3.2 seconds, but if I get a chance to take it away from him, he just patiently waits for me to return it. No growling, no mean looks or harsh words.

If I'm in the middle of my dinner and someone takes it away from me, they immediately graduate to the top of my death list honour roll, no degree required.

Another game I like to play with Newman is bending down and pretending I want to eat some of his food. Newman just stares at me like I'm crazy and, again, waits patiently until I've had my fill. What I really want to do as I get close to his food is puke, but he doesn't know that.

One thing I can't stand is sharing food. "Oh, that looks good, can I try a bit"? Sure, but I'm gonna mash it up so it can flow down the feeding tube you'll need if you don't back away.

This is what I love about Newman. He's always in the mood.