Smart Plants

Plants – or at least the ones I buy – are incredibly smart creatures.

The plants I buy can tell the difference between genuine rain water and when I'm watering them with a hose. They know the real stuff. They hate the fake stuff. That's the only reasonable explanation for why every plant that's every been in my company has died a prompt death.

When I water a plant, the plant says (or thinks, since I've never heard them talk) "ha, Paul has the hose on us again. Thinks it will keep us alive. We'll show him."

And then they die. It's mean of them. I have to drink water from a tap. I don't always run out and open my mouth when it's raining to get me daily 7 glasses. Why can't plants do the same?

I once had a cactus and the instructions said don't over-water. So I didn't over-water. Thing died in about 2 weeks. Left a note saying "you didn't water me enough."

Give me a break. But what a smart cactus.