I've always believed that human ingenuity would solve the school shooting nuisance.
I say nuisance because all these kids getting in the way of bullets forces us into this pretend-talk about limiting our God-given right to assault weapons. God is limitless, and so are the rights He grants us.
Introducing the bulletproof backpack. Lightweight, great colours, fun.
As with any helpful consumer item, you can accessorize.
The bulletproof lunch pail. Lock and load with a nutritious lunch.
Can we interest you in our bulletproof lunch? Roast beef, ham or bologna on an industrial focaccia stops a full metal jacket, and tastes great. Add Swiss cheese for that stylish bullet-ridden look, and calcium. (Editor's note: avoid the ham, the titanium flavour dominates.)
For a limited time, purchase our cold, refreshing milk (soy or cow) that turns guns into butter.
Made only in America. Sold only in America. So you can survive only in America.
I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away.
