Whoever thought that water would make a good mattress to sleep on? Is it not enough that I'm suppose to drink 9 swimming pools of water a day? Then I'm gonna lie down on water and fall asleep – no – it's The Perfect Storm in bed. And I don't get the girl.
I once had a girlfriend with a waterbed. I woke up one night and my back was killing me. It was a full moon. The tide went out and all the water was on her side. I was sleeping on cigarette butts and the bones of ex-boyfriends.
If I am going to sleep on a liquid, make it beer, with a tap. Molson mattress. Twenty four individually-pocketed beers.
Nope. I'm strictly a sealy sleeper.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
