Months ago I made the tragic mistake of comparing apples to oranges. Things have turned into a fruit fight in my house.
Truth be told, my wife warned me. "You should compare apples to apples."
I was eating a red delicious, and said, quite innocently, "Mmmmmm, delicious apple. Sometimes oranges are so messy to eat."
That's all I said. More of an observation than a criticism, really. "Delicious" is the name of the apple, for goodness sake.
Clearly, I bought very sensitive oranges. They went ballistic. A mandarin shot two pits, aiming for my eyes, I quickly turned my head and they sunk into my ear canal. I hear the Tropicana jingle all day.
The apples defended me. That's when the apples and oranges went at it. Frazier and Ali.
"I just want to go the distance", huffed the apple. He looked like apple sauce. The orange was beaten to a pulp.
You know me. I love painting still life fruit. I can't get the apples to stay in the same kitchen with the oranges, let alone hold still in a fruit bowl.
Speaking of fruit bowls, I served one at a summer party. Not pretty. The apples attacked right in the bowl, without warning. Fruit juice bleeding everywhere. The oranges used the bananas as fruit shields. The pomegranate crawled out, refugees in the slaw.
Jesus! Do NOT compare apples and oranges.
