Sperm Bank

I don't know why any man would keep his sperm in a bank, with the lousy interest rates these days.

Even with a mutual fund, profits could sag, although both are better than keeping it in a safe or under the mattress.

(OMG. He's talking about sperm. He must really need clicks.)

You've worked hard for your sperm to grow your nest egg. So make your sperm work hard for you.

I have mine in high performing stocks that love to beat inflation every time — with a whip, if available. Hooters is a particular favourite. Also check out Spanx — very good P/E ratio.

(This is flat out porn. Is it too late to get my money back on this site?)

Keep in mind that the biggest danger to growing your sperm, so you can enjoy a comfortable life, is deflation. Deflation is a party killer. Left unattended, you can't withdraw any sperm from your stock.

Please don't try this at home, by yourself. Not without the proper fistcal knowledge, like I have.