I've never understood why we have an official response when someone sneezes but no such discourse for the cough.
Coughers have been left out with a cold for too long.
"Bless you" is the standard post-sneeze retort, said by the sneezie. I'm not sure why we want to bless the sneezer, when they are already infected. Don't you think the sneezie, who is getting covered in ten trillion of the sneezers germs, should get the blessing? "Bless me, for I am covered in your germs" is more like it.
Gesundheit is an alternative post-sneeze retort. Used less often, this German word translates to "stop spraying me with your germs you Nazi snot scum."
So, coughers need a post-cough phrase.
At first, I thought "if you cough again while I'm trying to sleep I'll strangle you with your own vocal chords" would work.
That's pretty bulky, though, isn't it? Saying that every time someone coughs is a huge time-waster. And, perhaps, a little too…heavy.
I settled on saying "Jack Elam". When someone coughs, you answer with "Jack Elam".
Why "Jack Elam"? Well, Jack Elam was a famous character actor and his picture is above. I picked him because he kinda looks like something his mother might have coughed out. One of those whooping cough births I think. And, why not "Jack Elam"? Can you think of anything better? I didn't think so.
Cold season is coming. Practice your "Jack Elam".
