In hindsight, I knew there was something up with my regular drinking water. It just seemed…off…sad. At first I denied it, but I soon realized my water was depressed.
I've really struggled with my regular drinking water. It wasn't much fun to be around.
It started when I got home and found that my water had been sitting around in a dirty glass all day. No energy or motivation, a little film of scum developing on top of him. It's not like I expected my water to be the life of the party, but do something. Splash around, spill yourself, bubble up a bit. Perhaps a parboil?
Wouldn't have any of it. It got so bad I just couldn't drink seven glasses of this depressing stuff every day. I was parched.
I tried shrinks but only one guy would see my water. He drank it, said it was a little dismayed but didn't fall under the "Depressed" diagnosis in the DSM-5.
A friend suggested I see a Drink (a shrink that specializes in depressed liquids) but I couldn't find any.
Then I stole some anti-depressants (for my dog) and gave it to the water. It mixed in fine, but no change. I sure felt funny when I drank it, though. I gained two hundred pounds and started an affair with my guinea pig.
The crisis point came when I got home and found my water at the edge of the sink. Yes, it was going to jump down the drain. Suicide by sink. I quickly held a water intervention.
My water did not want to continue living. It told me that one time it poured itself into an empty ice cube tray, hoping that it would freeze to death. So sad.
There was only one course of action for me. Water euthanization. I can still see his last few bubbles as he drained down the toilet. I wrote a poem and moved on.
I'm happy to announce that I've replaced that drinking water with a new, much more pleasant water: Happy Water. It's from British Columbia, where the happy people live.
You can have this wonderful water too: http://livehappywater.ca/
Stay happy!
You might remember my interview with Smart Water.
You can catch up on it here: http://newmanhardie.blogspot.ca/2015/11/smart-water-interview.html
I stopped drinking Smart Water because it was getting smarter than me. I knew it was smart but I didn't know it was learning water too.
