Good grief, it's been a tough year and a half in Canada, hasn't it?
The list of woes is long – pandemic, inflation, rents on the rise again, crazy house prices, can't hire anyone, the wrath of climate change, glasses constantly fogging up. Our American friends are going through the same turmoil.
We thought the vaccine would bring swift relief and a return to normalcy. It kinda has, but not really, and we have to deal with mutations and mutant people who won't get vaccinated.
I'm sure I'm not alone in wondering if and when Canada can pull itself out of this stinking pit of despair.
Well, my friends, the great news to lift us all out of this doldrums-of-a-decade has finally arrived.
I draw your attention to the beautiful picture above.
What are they, you ask. Kidney stones, you reply.
Of course not.
These, my fellow Canadians, are Timbiebs, and they're poised to turn this fine country into a Shangri-La. A period beyond the energy and festivities of the Roaring Twenties. An epoch that makes the Enlightenment look like A Three Stooges episode.
Finally, Justin Bieber's talent and Tim Hortons fine cuisine join hands to say, "The world needs more Canada…and kidney stones, timbits."
Sorry, they aren't kidney stones, although that might be one of the flavours.
In a scientificious analysis, Timbiebs are shown to cure:
• IBS, including the IBS you get from consuming Tim Hortons food
• lethargy, including the lethargy you feel waiting in a Tim Hortons food line
• poverty, including the poverty you experience working at Tim Hortons
So, I want you to do something for me.
I want you all right now to get up and go to the window, open it and stick your head out and yell, "I'm as happy as Hell about Timbiebs and I'm gonna eat more and more of them."
You're a human being and you deserve to be happy.
